What more can be said about Arachnid Wonder World? A lot more, but as for me, I have no further words to describe this masterpiece of a theme park. There was so much more the park had to offer us, yet the mere tease of a single trip did more than enough to satiate our adventurous appetites. I think you would agree, dear reader, that AWW is a place that was likely conceptualized by a fellow who may or may not need to be institutionalized. Regardless of the origin, I’m not going to argue with the magnificent results! The truth is, my ratings and review methods are frankly quite arbitrary. I wouldn’t take them too seriously; go to this theme park, you won’t regret it. You’ll never look at a spider the same way again. That house spider that used to freak you out? You’ll wish you were smaller so you could give the lad a big old hug!
Well, what do you know! It seems I have lied, and that I do indeed have more words to describe AWW! But I’m finished now. Exiting the park was a pretty straightforward affair; we were simply attached to the pulley system that got us into the park, in reverse. The process was as quick as entering. It was a little sad to be leaving such an extraordinary place, it will be a while before I have the opportunity to visit again… But I wouldn’t trade the memory of this fun-filled and frightening adventure for the world.
So, where does Domina stand in all of this? Well…This may come as a wee bit of a shock, dear reader, but trust me, there is no way that you could possibly be as shocked as I was. You see, Domina…Wasn’t Domina…I know that sounds like a non-answer, but that non-answer was easier to write than to simply reveal that Domina is actual Uncle Vernon. Yes, you read that correctly, Domina isn’t Domina, but is, and always was, in fact, Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter. You know, the fat and abusive dude who deplored magic. As someone who was a dear friend to me, her…or his real identity, came as a real blow to me. It’s disappointing to discover that someone who may as well have been my closest friend, was in fact somebody completely different, and Domina herself was nothing but a convincing fiction. But alas, life moves on.
Perhaps you’re having trouble wrapping your head around this new information, dear reader. I feel your pain. Allow me to elaborate on this whole “Uncle Vernon affair” a bit more; As we made our way back to my car, sleepy from our exploits, “Domina” suddenly stopped in her tracks. Naturally, I asked her what was wrong. She didn’t say anything. Instead, something very bizarre began to happen, something that not even my experience at AWW prepared me for. Before my eyes, Domina began to turn into a blobby pulp, her form suddenly appearing as a self-malleable clay of sorts. She began grunting in an unnaturally masculine manner, and finally began to writhe and convulse upon the ground in almost epileptic fashion. At this point I was about to dial 911, but of course, AWW beat me to it. White and red nurse arachnids instantly seemed to drop out of thin air (though actually from AWW above.), circling Domina, and gently nudging me aside. “Her” grunting lessened, and she seemed to be in less pain, but they couldn’t do anything to actual reverse the process. They then promptly left as suddenly as they had come, with one nurse spider letting me know that he was going to be just fine. He??? Naturally, I was beyond bemused. To my utter horror, the person who staggered upwards wasn’t Domina, it was…Well, you know exactly who it was. I stood there in gaping and silent awe. My jaw didn’t hit the floor, it crashed passed it into hell. I tried demanding some kind of explanation, but my mouth simply wouldn’t work. Fortunately, “Domina” did the speaking for me; Uncle Vernon seemed to understand my confusion. I’m paraphrasing, but he essentially stated that he was wrong to be so biased against magic. He saw that, in reality, magic was just a word for something that was not properly understood, as well as something to describe incredibly advanced science and technology. He didn’t provide a satisfying explanation as to why he turn the form of Domina, and I didn’t have the opportunity to ask him, as suddenly pulled a broom out of his behind flew off into the night sky. I sincerely apologize that you won’t get the answers you see, dear reader, but alas, they shall forever elude me too.
The transformation of the person I knew as Domina certainly put hamper on my overall experience; rather than tying off the day with a neat little bowtie, the proverbial present of the day was chucked into a truck by some careless worker. That being said, nothing on the inside really broke. A few cracks maybe, but it’ll survive. Of course, this revelation had nothing to do with AWW, so the true identity of Domina will have zero impact upon the final score I’m giving this theme park.
In the end, there was no lasting harm done. Sure, it sucks to put so much into a friendship only to ultimately lose that friend (who was never real in the first place), but I’ve moved on from the grief of it. I have found a new friend named Alison! Let’s just hope she isn’t Aunt Petunia or Dudley in disguise, which she very well might be.
Toodaloo dear reader! You’ve actually managed to reach the end of all this! I feel sorry for you, I’m afraid I have nothing to help soothe the trauma that you’ve undergone, however I recommend therapy. But hopefully you’ll seriously consider a visit to the awe-inspiring Arachnid Wonder World if you were on the fence about it before, just remember that pizza toppings have no respect for Stormtroopers!
Final score for Arachnid Wonder World: 4 arachnids out of 5